Home for the Holidays

Well, I somehow managed to make it home, despite the fact that there was a *ground hold* at the airport I flew out of.  It’s weird to say “home”, actually: I’m a grad student now, with a real apartment that’s technically “home”.  But it doesn’t feel right to say that I’m now in “my parents’ house”, since it is the house I grew up in.  Anyway.

I’m now home.  I had forgotten how freakin’ COLD my parents keep the house.  So, I’m cold and I’m a little miserable.  I don’t know if it’s the holiday blues or what, but I miss my ex a lot.  It’s totally screwed up: he abused me, and I’m still in love with him.  Every time I think about him I cry, because of the trauma and because I still want to be with him.  I want him back.  I know it’s stupid, but I can’t stop feeling this way.  If he came to me today and asked me to take him back, I’d do it in a heartbeat.  I fantasize all the time about him wanting me back.  I’m miserable.

It’s all a moot point, since he got rid of me as soon as he could.  I still talk to him sometimes, and I think he’s sorry for messing me up so much.  I don’t want to go into the details of why our situation was so traumatic, but he’s a really screwed-up person.  Lots of bad stuff has happened to him, and it makes it difficult to be angry with him for what happened.  I’m trying to move on, but I’m tired.  I’m starting to think I’ll never get over it.  I miss him a lot.


On a totally different note, the LayaSpot and the B-naughty came home with me.  I’ll try to have a review of the latter up soon.


2 Responses to Home for the Holidays

  1. It’s not stupid to miss people, even if they’re long gone or treated us poorly. Living without someone you previously spent a lot of time with is a very big and jarring change.

  2. Toygirl says:

    Sigh. My life would be so much easier if I *didn’t* miss him.

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